24 Hours’ Catwalk

Every morning, upon waking and becoming conscious of my surroundings and falling in a gloomy spirit, I think of anything that needs to be done by me in the course of the day, or even at that moment, particularly. Failing to bring up some material issue in my mind, I decide that, even if there is something, it can wait till I have day dreamed about everything beginning from my birth till the day that I’m writing my will on my death bed (for the family members that may or may not exist).


An amazing thing about imagining stuff is how you really don’t do all those things or say all those things that you’ve ‘supposedly’ planned, but it still gives our heart satisfaction enough to pass on as if we have actually have gone through with what we’ve imagined. Oh well, maybe some day I do become a scientist, or a woman who grows trees all over the world for a greener tomorrow, or race at a Grand Prix, maybe even study at the best universities all over the world all my life. Maybe none of those things, maybe all of the above.. Does it matter?


It matters. What you do/don’t do in this life will make the person you’re going to be eventually. Since, all your actions involve you going through a mental process that makes the decision for you. Now, you have complete control of what direction you want your decision to go to, but you may or may not use that. That’s where intentions and mental growth etc. come in. 


Coming back to our topic of how mornings start in a very dull fashion: Well, eventually I do make out of bed, and very lethargically, cleaning up and breakfast making and eating will take place after which I’m a new person. Worrying about what I can manage to fit into this short period of time called a day, how can those things get activated, worked upon and significant amount of work has been done on something that I may work on tomorrow if I make it out of bed.


Of course, feasting throughout the day is a norm. Especially in winters keeping my animal body well fed and hydrated is the only way to survive the stress of short days and breezy nights. Just as now a days my life is like a rut which is oddly very different but at the same time more or less the same. 


All my life, though, when the night falls, the drama begins. I begin to doubt my existence and purpose.. I have a couple of fights because the end of the day’s stress is catching up on me. 


The last sentence I’ve been thinking since a couple of months: I don’t even know if I’m a good person or a bad one yet, let alone what Ill become.


Goodnight.

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