Uncertain Courses

It has come to my sentimental notice that my life is to change course soon. I have no idea what the course is, and am absolutely terrified to find out eventually; the anticipation of it is genuinely overwhelming, but nonetheless, like the good Muslim girl that I am, I shall pay no heed to something that might change me completely and take it in stride. Totally.

For weeks now, dreams (literally) of change and instability have been entertaining me at nights. Falling from stairs (which means instability and insecurity… No sh*t, Sherlock!), and travelling in cars are like second nature to my subconscious. But what my fear is of the unknown – which is of everyone’s, I know. I could draw a million likely changes that my life could take, and where I would lead it from there. Life can be so random that you can literally, literally expect anything. And that is freaky.

On a side note, there is another very important and likely possibility that is worth mentioning since it probably is attracting millions of people, consciously or not: the need for your soul to be on the straight and right path. If you, like me , believe in an afterlife, and that the only thing we will take from here with us is our personality’s imprint on our souls, then you want to bloody concentrate on having the best imprint out there so you end up with a good start-up for your next, and very much real, life ahead.

It could be that our souls are yearning for some purpose in life, to have a goal, an aim for our minds to work towards. Be it going to the moon, or finding a cure for the common cold, we all need a purpose. We all have questions regarding the reason of our existence the minute we enter gain consciousness of the raw world, usually during our teens, if not earlier. Now it solely depends on the human being what shape it wants to give to these thoughts. Wont blame you if you decide to ignore them and carry on with your everyday life, thinking its too much of a hassle to look for a meaning behind all this; millions have done it before you, and millions will do after, no biggie. Or is it?

Right now, there are many things I would like to adapt into my person and bring about some tangible changes, as well as in my personal being. But what if this change, which I keep dreaming of and my subconscious – or soul, if you may – keeps warning me about is too great, too far-reached for me. What if cowardice takes place; what if the change is so minor that I don’t even notice it, and hence, don’t get a chance to foster it. The fact that our souls are like proofs, and somewhat windows, to the life beyond is freaky, and especially unnecessary right now since all I can think of, and worry about, is the sodded change of direction my life is to take — that is if we were take dreams as seriously as that — which may or may not even take place soon, or at all for that matter!

In this life, the unknown, and the [unquestionable] fear of it are somethings that everyone has to deal with everyday. Hell, we don’t even know if we are going to sleep through the night without any doubts of physical insecurities. Day in and day out the only thing we have under our control is our own decisions, whose reactions and effects are still unknown to us. Even if you worry every second of every day, all your life, you will still never ever know what is not known to you at the time. It will reveal itself in time – maybe even posthumously – depending on many, many things of which most will also be unknown to you. But that insecurity that something might go wrong, the unshakable feeling that you might not be successful, maybe your decision was not correct, will feed on your insides with no solutions or answers to replace that information retrieving void in the decision-making part of your brain. So you will always be functioning with some [very much] variable factors of the situation unknown to you, maybe even during the decision is in effect; it could also be that you never, in the duration of your life, earn awareness of the millions of events that had taken place (in total) when it came to the decision of that one single, maybe even small, question.

Enter faith, religion, and other, worthy beliefs.


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