Dust Clouds and Rainy Days

The truth of the matter is I have no idea what to blog about. I am the same person, sure, with the same amount of thoughts, but I also change. Hence I have decided to jump right into it and wing it, if you’ll bare with me. 

Everyone lies, we know that pretty well by now. But what is it about lying that just puts us down or sets us off? Is it the dishonesty? Most probably. But we are all dishonest in our day to day life, in the small things we do, when we interact with other people etc. But then we also differentiate between lies and ‘white’ lies. Now white lies are where the person lying has innocent or not malicious  intentions behind. Then there are different kinds of people, some will not lie at all, some will hide but not lie, some will lie to get revenge or the usual bad intention dishonesty, then there are the white liars, then there are people who will lie but will be egotistical about it and will never admit that they lied,  and some will admit. 

What is the best case scenario, and what is the worst? Well, that’s obvious. 

Recently, it has been nagging me that ‘would I be okay with someone lying to me?’ And I realized, that depends. For example, our parents keep things from us all the time, and when you later find out what they were you realize that they made a good decision as it would not help you, in that stage in life. 

So, even though it hurts your ego, you have to admit its not dishonesty, it’s the intentions that matter. It hurt my ego quite a bit. It is also the case that at times people lie and hide because they are ashamed of something, or simply not ready to open up. You can’t call that lying, that’s basic survival. Because they feel that if they tell you that particular thing prematurely, you might go away. 

We have developed a very odd society, which actually prospers in its famous way when people act like something they are not. When they hide their flaws by putting on make up, or use their dad’s name for perks, or hide the mistakes they made by lying and cheating. Genuine human emotions and desire are obviously going to fizzle out in rainy weather like this, where you have to duck and cover all of your being to be comfortable. Yes, comfortable. You will still live if you walk out in the rain, as much as society tells you that you will not survive. You might get wet, but you will be free. Our societies do not support that because then we would all walk out and create a dust cloud of things, which God only knows if ever will settle, and we humans are very afraid of erratic, random, unexplained, unexpected behavior. We are wusses, quite frankly. And oddly, is this same society, people will celebrate people who are different, who did follow society’s rigid rules, who grew out of it. At the same time we know that everyone is not exactly an Einstein, so if we give unquestioned freedom to people who are not yet, lets say, prepared for that kind of responsibility, what do we do with them? That is exactly where society comes in the limelight. It helps people who are not prepared to mature in an environment which is stable and dependable, and safe. 

Basically it all comes down to one thing: balancing between what is fair and just and what is not. And the minute we tip it more towards the negative side, we lose our way. Everything is beautiful, and admirable in a poetic way, but what is true does not change, and neither should we deviate from that. 


Uncertain Courses

It has come to my sentimental notice that my life is to change course soon. I have no idea what the course is, and am absolutely terrified to find out eventually; the anticipation of it is genuinely overwhelming, but nonetheless, like the good Muslim girl that I am, I shall pay no heed to something that might change me completely and take it in stride. Totally.

For weeks now, dreams (literally) of change and instability have been entertaining me at nights. Falling from stairs (which means instability and insecurity… No sh*t, Sherlock!), and travelling in cars are like second nature to my subconscious. But what my fear is of the unknown – which is of everyone’s, I know. I could draw a million likely changes that my life could take, and where I would lead it from there. Life can be so random that you can literally, literally expect anything. And that is freaky.

On a side note, there is another very important and likely possibility that is worth mentioning since it probably is attracting millions of people, consciously or not: the need for your soul to be on the straight and right path. If you, like me , believe in an afterlife, and that the only thing we will take from here with us is our personality’s imprint on our souls, then you want to bloody concentrate on having the best imprint out there so you end up with a good start-up for your next, and very much real, life ahead.

It could be that our souls are yearning for some purpose in life, to have a goal, an aim for our minds to work towards. Be it going to the moon, or finding a cure for the common cold, we all need a purpose. We all have questions regarding the reason of our existence the minute we enter gain consciousness of the raw world, usually during our teens, if not earlier. Now it solely depends on the human being what shape it wants to give to these thoughts. Wont blame you if you decide to ignore them and carry on with your everyday life, thinking its too much of a hassle to look for a meaning behind all this; millions have done it before you, and millions will do after, no biggie. Or is it?

Right now, there are many things I would like to adapt into my person and bring about some tangible changes, as well as in my personal being. But what if this change, which I keep dreaming of and my subconscious – or soul, if you may – keeps warning me about is too great, too far-reached for me. What if cowardice takes place; what if the change is so minor that I don’t even notice it, and hence, don’t get a chance to foster it. The fact that our souls are like proofs, and somewhat windows, to the life beyond is freaky, and especially unnecessary right now since all I can think of, and worry about, is the sodded change of direction my life is to take — that is if we were take dreams as seriously as that — which may or may not even take place soon, or at all for that matter!

In this life, the unknown, and the [unquestionable] fear of it are somethings that everyone has to deal with everyday. Hell, we don’t even know if we are going to sleep through the night without any doubts of physical insecurities. Day in and day out the only thing we have under our control is our own decisions, whose reactions and effects are still unknown to us. Even if you worry every second of every day, all your life, you will still never ever know what is not known to you at the time. It will reveal itself in time – maybe even posthumously – depending on many, many things of which most will also be unknown to you. But that insecurity that something might go wrong, the unshakable feeling that you might not be successful, maybe your decision was not correct, will feed on your insides with no solutions or answers to replace that information retrieving void in the decision-making part of your brain. So you will always be functioning with some [very much] variable factors of the situation unknown to you, maybe even during the decision is in effect; it could also be that you never, in the duration of your life, earn awareness of the millions of events that had taken place (in total) when it came to the decision of that one single, maybe even small, question.

Enter faith, religion, and other, worthy beliefs.