Inspired Update

Woke up earlier than usual. Spent the whole day thinking, philosophizing and getting inspired to become a physicist in the purest, deepest meaning of the word.

The search led me to a search on Google where I needed to look at something, ANYTHING, that would instigate a scientific, mathematical, and creative eagerness in me that would sustain all through to a PhD and further.

And here I am now, after having spent the entire day studying mathematics in the beautifully windy, rainy, sunny weather outside in the front veranda. And then later on drinking coffee and then watching a few episodes of the BBC’s The Paradise (recommended).

Lying on my stomach on a silky, royal blue comforter that feels cool to the touch with oil on my eye brows, stinging eyes, and the temptation to pray.

Good night, all you love monkeys. 

I hope I dream of fairies and secret gardens full of glowing flowers and the promise of an adventure. I hope that you do too.

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Dust Clouds and Rainy Days

The truth of the matter is I have no idea what to blog about. I am the same person, sure, with the same amount of thoughts, but I also change. Hence I have decided to jump right into it and wing it, if you’ll bare with me. 

Everyone lies, we know that pretty well by now. But what is it about lying that just puts us down or sets us off? Is it the dishonesty? Most probably. But we are all dishonest in our day to day life, in the small things we do, when we interact with other people etc. But then we also differentiate between lies and ‘white’ lies. Now white lies are where the person lying has innocent or not malicious  intentions behind. Then there are different kinds of people, some will not lie at all, some will hide but not lie, some will lie to get revenge or the usual bad intention dishonesty, then there are the white liars, then there are people who will lie but will be egotistical about it and will never admit that they lied,  and some will admit. 

What is the best case scenario, and what is the worst? Well, that’s obvious. 

Recently, it has been nagging me that ‘would I be okay with someone lying to me?’ And I realized, that depends. For example, our parents keep things from us all the time, and when you later find out what they were you realize that they made a good decision as it would not help you, in that stage in life. 

So, even though it hurts your ego, you have to admit its not dishonesty, it’s the intentions that matter. It hurt my ego quite a bit. It is also the case that at times people lie and hide because they are ashamed of something, or simply not ready to open up. You can’t call that lying, that’s basic survival. Because they feel that if they tell you that particular thing prematurely, you might go away. 

We have developed a very odd society, which actually prospers in its famous way when people act like something they are not. When they hide their flaws by putting on make up, or use their dad’s name for perks, or hide the mistakes they made by lying and cheating. Genuine human emotions and desire are obviously going to fizzle out in rainy weather like this, where you have to duck and cover all of your being to be comfortable. Yes, comfortable. You will still live if you walk out in the rain, as much as society tells you that you will not survive. You might get wet, but you will be free. Our societies do not support that because then we would all walk out and create a dust cloud of things, which God only knows if ever will settle, and we humans are very afraid of erratic, random, unexplained, unexpected behavior. We are wusses, quite frankly. And oddly, is this same society, people will celebrate people who are different, who did follow society’s rigid rules, who grew out of it. At the same time we know that everyone is not exactly an Einstein, so if we give unquestioned freedom to people who are not yet, lets say, prepared for that kind of responsibility, what do we do with them? That is exactly where society comes in the limelight. It helps people who are not prepared to mature in an environment which is stable and dependable, and safe. 

Basically it all comes down to one thing: balancing between what is fair and just and what is not. And the minute we tip it more towards the negative side, we lose our way. Everything is beautiful, and admirable in a poetic way, but what is true does not change, and neither should we deviate from that. 

Knowing

Shuttling between two areas can have its advantages and disadvantages. When I was eleven years old my father thought it better to take me and my sister to our village, Baffa (more of a town now, really). We have been living there since then. People in Baffa ask us if we like it better there or in Islamabad, and so do people in Islamabad. There are market places there, as there are in the Capital. People in the village don’t have a purpose, nor do people in the city.

Initially it would confuse us; we would see money and material success in the city, and then we would go back to the village and realize how people in both the places are so very similar. Neither did we become backward by living in the village, nor did we succumb to becoming [the new] modern in the city. Then, what really sets people apart? What, in reality, makes a person?

Of course, as a result both me and my sister feel as if we don’t belong in either of the places, but that is more because we would rather not belong instead of us being incapable. We have friends in the village (Pushtun, by the way), we have friend in this country’s capital, and in many places other than our country alone. We could communicate and relate to everyone as if they were one and the same; we become culture-less. No culture in the world tied us to their beliefs. We had male friends, young friends, and old friends in addition the socially accepted ones and the non.

Why? How?

Knowledge, my friend, the key to all this is knowledge. I know, its a very cliche concept, and most of you have heard it more than once in your life. Some of you might even have been drilled to believe it. But it remains to be a fact – I am a living example.

Somehow, knowing the hows and whys of things gives you a depth in your personality which can come no other way, no m

Shuttling between two areas can have its advantages and disadvantages. When I was eleven years old my father thought it better to take me and my sister to our village, Baffa (more of a town now, really). We have been living there since then. People in Baffa ask us if we like it better there or in Islamabad, and so do people in Islamabad. There are market places there, as there are in the Capital. People in the village don’t have a purpose, nor do people in the city.

Initially it would confuse us; we would see money and material success in the city, and then we would go back to the village and realize how people in both the places are so very similar. Neither did we become backward by living in the village, nor did we succumb to becoming [the new] modern in the city. Then, what really sets people apart? What, in reality, makes a person?

Of course, as a result both me and my sister feel as if we don’t belong in either of the places, but that is more because we would rather not belong instead of us being incapable. We have friends in the village (Pushtun, by the way), we have friend in this country’s capital, and in many places other than our country alone. We could communicate and relate to everyone as if they were one and the same; we become culture-less. No culture in the world tied us to their beliefs. We had male friends, young friends, and old friends in addition the socially accepted ones and the non.

Why? How?

Knowledge, my friend, the key to all this is knowledge. I know, its a very cliche concept, and most of you have heard it more than once in your life. Some of you might even have been drilled to believe it. But it remains to be a fact – I am a living example.

Somehow, knowing the hows and whys of things gives you a depth in your personality which can come no other way, no matter what you do. It brings you great joys too.

The same village has so many girls going to American universities on scholarships that even I was pleasantly surprised that people value knowledge enough to send their well-protected and looked after young girls to strange lands.

Whenever I, personally, have ventured out to learn something or gain knowledge of any kind, whether its reading a Wikipedia page on feminists, or Mozart’s symphonies, I have always, always found joy and satisfaction in it. And the best part? It will never end. So, conclusively, we must all learn and strive to becoming better as our minds gain consciousness of ourselves and our surroundings. Only knowledge can set you apart from others, and the effect it has on your personality. Wouldn’t hurt to try, now, would it?

 

Uncertain Courses

It has come to my sentimental notice that my life is to change course soon. I have no idea what the course is, and am absolutely terrified to find out eventually; the anticipation of it is genuinely overwhelming, but nonetheless, like the good Muslim girl that I am, I shall pay no heed to something that might change me completely and take it in stride. Totally.

For weeks now, dreams (literally) of change and instability have been entertaining me at nights. Falling from stairs (which means instability and insecurity… No sh*t, Sherlock!), and travelling in cars are like second nature to my subconscious. But what my fear is of the unknown – which is of everyone’s, I know. I could draw a million likely changes that my life could take, and where I would lead it from there. Life can be so random that you can literally, literally expect anything. And that is freaky.

On a side note, there is another very important and likely possibility that is worth mentioning since it probably is attracting millions of people, consciously or not: the need for your soul to be on the straight and right path. If you, like me , believe in an afterlife, and that the only thing we will take from here with us is our personality’s imprint on our souls, then you want to bloody concentrate on having the best imprint out there so you end up with a good start-up for your next, and very much real, life ahead.

It could be that our souls are yearning for some purpose in life, to have a goal, an aim for our minds to work towards. Be it going to the moon, or finding a cure for the common cold, we all need a purpose. We all have questions regarding the reason of our existence the minute we enter gain consciousness of the raw world, usually during our teens, if not earlier. Now it solely depends on the human being what shape it wants to give to these thoughts. Wont blame you if you decide to ignore them and carry on with your everyday life, thinking its too much of a hassle to look for a meaning behind all this; millions have done it before you, and millions will do after, no biggie. Or is it?

Right now, there are many things I would like to adapt into my person and bring about some tangible changes, as well as in my personal being. But what if this change, which I keep dreaming of and my subconscious – or soul, if you may – keeps warning me about is too great, too far-reached for me. What if cowardice takes place; what if the change is so minor that I don’t even notice it, and hence, don’t get a chance to foster it. The fact that our souls are like proofs, and somewhat windows, to the life beyond is freaky, and especially unnecessary right now since all I can think of, and worry about, is the sodded change of direction my life is to take — that is if we were take dreams as seriously as that — which may or may not even take place soon, or at all for that matter!

In this life, the unknown, and the [unquestionable] fear of it are somethings that everyone has to deal with everyday. Hell, we don’t even know if we are going to sleep through the night without any doubts of physical insecurities. Day in and day out the only thing we have under our control is our own decisions, whose reactions and effects are still unknown to us. Even if you worry every second of every day, all your life, you will still never ever know what is not known to you at the time. It will reveal itself in time – maybe even posthumously – depending on many, many things of which most will also be unknown to you. But that insecurity that something might go wrong, the unshakable feeling that you might not be successful, maybe your decision was not correct, will feed on your insides with no solutions or answers to replace that information retrieving void in the decision-making part of your brain. So you will always be functioning with some [very much] variable factors of the situation unknown to you, maybe even during the decision is in effect; it could also be that you never, in the duration of your life, earn awareness of the millions of events that had taken place (in total) when it came to the decision of that one single, maybe even small, question.

Enter faith, religion, and other, worthy beliefs.

General Ramblings & Some Independence

 

Surrounded by a society that does not care what they made this country for, today, I feel nothing but a powerful will to make the best out of my life and let nothing stand in the way to my doing something right with it and hopefully taking some people along.

Ignorance is a disease – contagious and ever-spreading. It’s easy to succumb to being lazy: lazy about life, the truth, your surroundings, relations with people, great thoughts and ideas etc. It has a cure, like most deluding diseases, but people might not want to embrace it as a sickness.. yet. Finding a purpose in life leads many a man to be great, or many a great man to go astray. Either way, everyone admires and appreciates both’s efforts since they are suffering from what everyone else is suffering from: not having a purpose in life, wondering if there is actually a Creator, then why has he abandoned us?, thinking they will never be satisfied with anything, which is fairly true, without knowing the ultimate answer to the question: where did we come from? Who created us? Who is He? Or are we on our own.

But the real question is: why are human beings asking these questions instead of looking and searching?

Some dont want to believe in a God at all, some have too much pride to let the go in search for something that might not exist, some are in denial, some dont want to disillude themselves by believing that there is a world beyond and greater than this, some are unfortunately ignorant, some are not meant to find the answers because they have not a positive intention, but all feel lost and abandoned.

But the one’s who genuinely want to believe find the answer in everything that surrounds them. There is a God, whether you like it or not, and there is a day of judgement, whether you like it or not.

I personally believe truly in the Quran to be God’s word. So were all the other three books, but they have been tampered with over the years. An Indian philosopher came up with the conclusion that the Quran is locked by the time table of the number 19. Everything is divisible by it and hence, if it is changed, the entire structure will fall.

As a mere example to act as proof:

And we sent down from the sky water (rain) in (due) measure, and we gave it lodging in the earth, and verily, we are Able to take it away. – Sûrat Al-Mu’minûn- verse 18

Its a scientifically known fact that when planet Earth was initially made there was no water on it. It has come later and never has its quantity increased or decreased.

And He it is Who has created the night and the day, and the sun and the moon, each in an orbit floating. – Surat Al-Anbiya’ (The Prophets):33

No secret there.

Not trying to be a fascist here, sorry if I seem to be behaving like one, but in order to believe something you have to go all the way, there’s no middle ground where you can merge two thoughts. They have to be separate, and you have to be sincere to one.

Please dont take offence. These are all personal views that I genuinely believe in. If you dont agree then you can let me know why, but it isnt meant to force.

What do you think about people’s behavior towards finding a purpose to life?

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The universe… Oh, man, the universe. Where do I begin! The stars, galaxies, planets, systems, everything – they are so, so beautiful. And all for us.

Our galaxy: The Milky Way

Can you imagine a Creator, whoever he is, creating all that just for us to play in it (discovering it, obviously)? Most scientists, who are not stuck in denial or pride, agree that all this is not just a natural occurrence, it has all been created. And the fact that we have an ozone layer is proof (if you want it to be). If it were not for the ozone layer protecting Earth’s surface’s direct contact with the Sun, we would all die within days and this Earth would have no life, whatsoever.

The ozone layer is sort of unnatural. It almost seems as a later added sunscreen so the planet can live in a moderate weather which is supportive to life. No other planet has such a screen. We know that water didnt exist on the planet, now the ozone layer? The Earth was probably an uninhabitable round ball of lava covered with mud and mountain pegging the earth to stay in place, as mentioned in the Quran.

Moving on.. Yesterday I stepped out of the house into the lawn since Cherie, my cat, wanted to attend to some private business on the sand and she doesnt like to go it alone. Anyway, so when I was waiting for her to free herself from it, my eyes just rested on the house and then I lifted them to the sky.

What my mind registered made me teary.

There was a blanket of inky blue-black sky stretched over wherever my eyes could reach, dotted with brilliant twinkling, glittery stars. It was a proper fairy tale, and left me speechless for many a minute till I ran in to call Dad and make him see what I saw.

What a gift. What a marvelous, poetic and romantic gift.

Click to zoom.

We don’t appreciate it enough. Honestly.

AND STOP USING SPRAYS IF YOU WANT TO SAVE THIS PLANET, MAN! (AMONG OTHER DAMAGING STUFF).

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SISTER! 

AND HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY, PAKISTAN, AND MY LOVELY, FELLOW COUNTRY MEN!

A LOVELY YEAR AWAITS. 

 

The Other Side Of The Argument

Mini Blogging: Giving Up

The supremely helpless realization that you really cant do much to change things in this world. Everyone somewhat realizes it, but hardly ever anyone you see will succumb to losing their wits over it. Many have and will give up, I am beginning to wonder if I should too. After all, intentions count, right?

Dont tell my friends, but sometimes I wish my sun sign had more ambitious traits in it. Not that I cant awaken it by the so-called mental will, just that Aquarius’ nature might get the best of me when it comes to control and my mind may lose the war.

See?